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You may not be a world leader but wouldn’t you like to connect to others in the best possible way — with your clients, your employees, your boss, those in your personal life, even with strangers? And, at least in business, a better connection will reward you with a more competitive edge than the next guy. A better connection with others will also help you maximize the potential in every relationship you have.

Zig Ziglar, popular self-help author, says that "You can get everything in life you want if you will just help enough other people get what they want."

Here are a few ways to connect:

1. Find common bonds (schools, affiliations, past companies, common technology).

2. Show genuine interest in what people have to say.

3. Remember names and personal details.

4. Ask questions that go beyond business.

5. Create memories with people and make each interaction enjoyable.

6. When given a chance to meet or entertain, do it uniquely (an unusual restaurant, etc.)

7. On the phone, ask personal questions (where they live, long-term goals).

8. Send handwritten notes and cards as thank yous.

9. Build connections with everyone at the client site – not just your buyer.

10. Talk about your own life. Share your perspectives. Tell your stories.

Connecting with others takes more work than a handshake. John Donne writes: "No man is an island, entire of itself…." We can’t help it; we humans are social beings who require not isolation but connections with others, and enhancing that need will make for all-around better relationships.

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It is almost impossible when meeting acquaintances, friends of friends, business associates, to not be forced to give your "elevator speech." If you are not sure what an elevator speech is, it is just a clever name for a mundane task: answering the ubiquitous question "what do you do?" Nonetheless, while mundane, the elevator speech is quite important; who knows what possible role the person you give your speech to will take in your life: perhaps you have found your next client, or employer, friend, partner, or an important contact for further networking?

Here are a few tips to help.

1: Keep it succinct and interesting

A successful elevator speech will be a descriptive statement that provokes questions and interest.

The first obvious reaction to the question of "what do you do?" is to quickly give your label for your profession; however, I think this is a mistake. Instead, frame what you do in a more interesting way: instead of saying you are a lawyer, say that you try to help the disenfranchised and under-represented get a fair-hearing. Explain what you do in terms of benefits and who it is you are helping.

2: Keep your audience in mind

Did you meet this person professionally or in your personal life? While it may be okay to be highly informal at the bar, this off-hand style will probably not be met well at important business meetings. That said, you don't want to be too formal either, since this will make you seem stiff and less personable.

3: Practice and polish

Since you will be asked this question often throughout your life, and the answer is so short, there really is no reason to not have a good answer ready. Practice your speech so that it starts to sound natural and effortless, without any verbal filler or awkward phrasing.

4: Don't be over the top

Finally, some people in an attempt to come across as interesting may over-due it. For example, to make sure that they don't fall into the trap of pigeon-holing themselves, they will give vague answers such as: "I make people's dreams come true." This, however, sounds more cliché than it does interesting and will often turn your audience off.

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Have you ever noticed that the most charismatic people all share the power of being able to tell a good story?

Nonetheless, storytelling is not a static art: as new media evolves, so does the way in which we tell stories. Recently, with the interconnectivity of media and the power of the Internet a new way of storytelling has emerged: the Alternative Reality Game or ARG.

The ARG is revolutionary in several ways: it is a complex and subtle way of telling a story that utilizes multiple media sources and requires a large and collaborative audience to work together to progress forward in the story; it is through the overlapping of fiction and reality that the ARG gets its name. Thus the ARG is powerful in a different way than the usual story: it is more about the audience than about the storyteller. By breaking down the traditional “fourth wall,” the audience has an active and essential role in the development of the story itself. Anything that includes the audience in such a way cannot help but be thoroughly engaging.

Now what can be gleaned from the new ARG phenomenon? Well, one of the places that the power of the story can be most effective – but is often underused – is during presentations and public speaking.

During your next presentation, try taking a page from ARGs: instead of standing rigid on the stage, try moving into the audience; instead of just using your voice, try using several media sources to get your point across; instead of turning your presentation into a lecture, try getting the audience involved in the story by asking questions and letting their answers help guide the way you tell it.

Once you’ve become an accomplished storyteller, you will have mastered most of the skills necessary to be a charismatic speaker.

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The first call is the hardest, especially if it’s a cold call. But cold or warm, remember the potential client’s time is valuable so be brief and be sure you’ve done your research.

1. Listen to the client. Don’t start with how thrilled they’ll be with your product or service.

2. Confirm what you heard by paraphrasing the client’s words. Make sure you understand what they’ve said before you try to move on.

3. Ask strategic questions. Find out what they want and how you can help them.

4. Summarize what you heard them say – their answers and ideas. Summarize either on the phone or with an email following the call. Use their words specifically. It sounds simple, but it works.

5. Suggest options: 1) Solutions to their business challenges; 2) Enhancements through opportunities for improvement in their company. Options you can help them with via your product or service.

6. Ask the client what they see as a logical next step. Ask and listen. Don’t push them into what you think they need and what you can offer them.

7. Find out when you can meet with them. Suggest a specific time: "How about next Tuesday after lunch?" Don’t be pushy, though; you can always call back. It’s better to be realistic and rely on the client’s statements or goals.

8. Don’t give up. Persistence pays off.

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Tremendous subtlety of meaning is conveyed by voice. Not just nuance and emotional context, but basic meaning of words varies according to vocal inflection.

Emotional Affect

Do not hesitate to be vocally expressive in business presentations. If you tell your audience about an exciting product in a dull, monotonous voice, your words and your voice are not in alignment. It is an uninspiring pitch if you talk about "ground breaking developments" in a quiet, lifeless voice.

Personal Stories

Telling a personal story provides abundant opportunities to stretch your vocal dynamism. When introducing a new character into your story, alter your voice to signal the audience "this is the other person." Don't say "he told us to finish up in an angry voice." Instead, make your voice his and say sharply "Dammit, finish up NOW!"

Map Your Outline

Note where you want to create vocal emphasis (opening, and closing lines, key points and potentially dull sections). Circle or underline words you wish to emphasize.

Silence

What is the easiest way to regain an audience's attention?

Stop Speaking

One of the most powerful uses of your voice is to not use it at all. Silence peaks attention and gives you an opportunity to take in information about the audience.

Most presenters have a natural aversion to it. We consciously seek to fill any silence with "ahhhs, uhmms" and inane chatter.

Learn to Control Your Voice >>

Some of the seeds we offer will bear fruit immediately, others will germinate for a time and pop up to surprise you in communications to come.

Do not become discouraged if at first your mind is numbed by the number of things we are encouraging you to be aware of and to try.

What is the simplest way to move a conversation toward dialogue? Ask a Question!

Instead of making statements about what we believe, begin asking questions about what others believe.  As a conversation moves forward, continue to ask questions that relate directly and obviously to what the other person has been saying.

Dialogue: Its Component Parts

How do you balance advocacy and inquiry?

• Step back.
• Target your inquiry by asking questions to clarify what the other person believes.
• Examine the other person’s mental maps.
• Suspend your own assumptions.
• Learn before you try to influence.
• Advocate your opinions through carefully chosen questions and statements.

The Rewards

• Building rapport
• Building business relationships
• Extending your influence

Tips for Improvement >>

Little says more about you to those with whom you interact with than how you answer their questions.

Some people show annoyance when a question derails their monologue. Their body language reflects the thought, “why is this person interrupting?”

A question indicates interest in your subject — embrace it.

1. Pause one second before answering.
2. Answer the question simply and directly. Don’t skirt it but also don’t answer more than was asked.
3. Confirm, “Have I answered your question?” Anything but a clear yes means no.

Continued >>

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Most of us tend to want to talk more than we listen. It’s no secret that this tendency is counterproductive to building relationships, gathering information and learning. 

To be mentally present requires more than just silence when another speaks. You must clear your mind of extraneous “chatter” and focus intensely on what the speaker is saying.  Intense relaxed attention focused on another literally pulls them to a higher level of participation. 

How do you gain control of your meandering mind?   More  >>