Influence is shaping someone else's behavior without resorting to positional power. Real buy-in is achieved when others participate in the process of making decisions.

Some approach customers and clients by telling them about the superiority of their product, countering customers' "objections," then "closing" the transaction. Influence is more subtle.

In complex transactions, involving experienced parties on both sides, a more sophisticated approach is called for.

• Increase your ability to shape someone's behavior when you do not have direct control of them.
• Gather better data while building ongoing relationships in any business environment.
• Motivate others when involved in projects with virtual teams in remote locations.
• Exert leadership that transcends organizational boundaries.

Learn more about Influence>>  

by Terry Gault

When I first started leading presentation skills workshops in 1997, I had this notion that there must be a list somewhere of 20 rules for public speaking.  I imagined there had to be 10 rules for "Things You Must Always Do" and 10 rules for "Things You Must Never Do." 

For example, here are a couple "rules" that I've seen broken very effectively.

1) Moving all the time doesn't work.

I once had a client that finally blurted out in frustration, "Listen, Terry, I simply CANNOT be still.  It drives me nuts.  I have to be moving."  I thought about this clients situation and made a suggestion.  "What if you moved constantly but the rate of movement was very slow and deliberate?"  We tried it and indeed found that it could be a very effective style.

2) The speaker should never admit to having made a mistake.  After all, most of the time, the audience doesn't know.

During one workshop, a participant made an obvious mistake with something they had written on the flip chart.  Typically, I would coach them to simply fix the mistake without referring to it or commenting.  Instead, the participant said in an energetic voice, "Oh, my God, that is pathetic!"  His willingness to poke fun at himself charmed us all and the audience burst into raucous laughter.  He left a strong and very positive impression.

So, finally I have come to the conclusion that there is ONE rule which is incontrovertable: Nothing is absolute.

What follows is a delightful video from Darren Flemming, Australian Toastmasters Champion.  Darren is asked to speak spontaneously on the topic, "If you obey all the rules, you miss half the fun."

“True resolution of problems and conflicts can only come through a respect for the mutual interest of the parties involved and through dialogue.” -Dalai Lama

Interactive communication or dialogue refers to interacting in ways that build shared meaning, rather than colliding in ways that foster disagreement, frustration and confusion.

A jazz improvisation is a good metaphor for dialogue. Each musician must build on what the others are already doing. The jazz musician can't just begin playing his favorite riff. He must listen to what others are playing, and then build on it. The result is something unique – no one person controls the musical direction. They improvise and initiate, but always in relationship to what others are doing.

 photo credit

Dialogue Contrasted With Discussion Discussion has the same roots as "concussion" and "percussion." The Latin origin of discuss is "discutere" – to dash or shake apart. Hence, to discuss is to shake apart what others say. In a discussion we break things down, fragment the whole, analyze the pieces, and seek to convince others of our insights. You recognize discussion by its competitive nature. If you are only listening in order to prepare your own counter-arguments, you are involved in a discussion. What Does Dialogue Look Like?

• The business issue develops keen intellectual interest.
• The conversation is suffused with laughter.
• Everyone is involved, and people are listening deeply.
• The conversation becomes animated.
• You become eager to add to what someone else has said; but you are listening more than talking.
• You sense an almost palpable excitement.
• The multiple perspectives create a sense of aliveness and possibility.
• Different viewpoints interest you instead of annoy you.

More on Dialogue>>

by Terry Gault

Most people's anxiety about public speaking stems from the desire not to look foolish or stupid in front of their peers, clients or others in the proposed audience. They fear that their mind will go blank or their performance will be inadequate to impress others. Being humiliated can injure the ego. It can really ruin your day.

That presentation you have carefully crafted may sound great in front of your mirror at home but the minute your name is called to perform in front of an audience, it feels as if the life force is seeping out of your very being. Instead, a frigid formality replaces your quick wit and easy grace. Your previously expressive face turns into a sober mask, and your friendly patter is replaced by "ums" and "you knows."

Presentations – whether one-on-one meetings, small group discussions or speaking before a huge audience – can drive fear to exquisitely high levels.

Some fear is useful; it forces you to take time out of your crammed schedule to prepare the presentation. But when fear crosses the line from excitement to dread, it can impair concentration and kill energy.  It can negatively affect that carefully crafted speech and make you swear off presentations forever … which would be a shame. 

Few skills will propel your career faster than the ability to speak in public.

How to overcome this? Three basic responses to that question: Ignore, Evade or Transcend. How will you respond to your fear?  More on The Fear Factor >>