What does it mean to connect?
To connect with your customers and colleagues is to join with them in a shared experience. It involves sharing ideas and information; creating a sense of interchange based on common interests.
Why ask questions?
Questions demonstrate your willingness to involve another in interactive dialogue. You interrupt your own closed-loop and bring in another perspective.
Asking questions is also a subtle tool of persuasion. The listener opens to your ideas as they articulate answers. You can often make your point more powerfully than by hammering home assertion after assertion.
Would you like to demonstrate that you are interested in those with whom you interact?
Start with open-ended questions. As you move toward resolution, use specifically directed, closed-end questions. Read More >>
Below, Jason McGarva of the Providence Toastmasters club shares his insights on how to keep a conversation going using the power of open ended questions.
Verbal fillers make a speaker seem less articulate and less sure of themselves and their message. Here are techniques that can help to shed the use of verbal fillers (uh, um, so, like, you know, basically, etc.)
1. Video tape or record yourself delivering a presentation or in a conversation. Watch your videotape or listen to the recording once just counting your verbal fillers. It may be painful and embarrassing but can fuel your determination to shed the fillers.
2. Enlist the help of others – your partner / spouse, friends, coworkers, family, etc. Empower them to repeat your fillers whenever they hear you using it.
3. Listen for your use of verbal filler at ALL times, whether presenting, in conversation, on the phone, in social situations, etc.
4. Don't beat yourself up about it. Just make a mental note and remind yourself that you want to … More On Verbal Filler >>
Below, Slam Poet, Taylor Mali, performs his speech 'Totally Like Whatever'
Most of us tend to want to talk more than we listen. It’s no secret that this tendency is counterproductive to building relationships, gathering information and learning.
To be mentally present requires more than just silence when another speaks. You must clear your mind of extraneous “chatter” and focus intensely on what the speaker is saying. Intense relaxed attention focused on another literally pulls them to a higher level of participation.
How do you gain control of your meandering mind? More >>
Little says more about you to those with whom you interact with than how you answer their questions.
Some people show annoyance when a question derails their monologue. Their body language reflects the thought, “why is this person interrupting?”
A question indicates interest in your subject — embrace it.
- Pause one second before answering.
- Answer the question simply and directly. Don’t skirt it but also don’t answer more than was asked.
- Confirm, “Have I answered your question?” Anything but a clear yes means no.
What is the simplest way to move a conversation toward dialogue? Ask a Question!
Instead of making statements about what we believe, begin asking questions about what others believe. As a conversation moves forward, continue to ask questions that relate directly and obviously to what the other person has been saying.
Dialogue: Its Component Parts
How do you balance advocacy and inquiry?
- Step back.
- Target your inquiry by asking questions to clarify what the other person believes.
- Examine the other person’s mental maps.
- Suspend your own assumptions.
- Learn before you try to influence.
- Advocate your opinions through carefully chosen questions and statements.
The Rewards
- Building rapport
- Building business relationships
- Extending your influence
Some of the seeds we offer will bear fruit immediately, others will germinate for a time and pop up to surprise you in communications to come.
Do not become discouraged if at first your mind is numbed by the number of things we are encouraging you to be aware of and to try.
Tremendous subtlety of meaning is conveyed by voice. Not just nuance and emotional context, but basic meaning of words varies according to vocal inflection.
Emotional Affect
Do not hesitate to be vocally expressive in business presentations. If you tell your audience about an exciting product in a dull, monotonous voice, your words and your voice are not in alignment. It is an uninspiring pitch if you talk about "ground breaking developments" in a quiet, lifeless voice.
Personal Stories
Telling a personal story provides abundant opportunities to stretch your vocal dynamism. When introducing a new character into your story, alter your voice to signal the audience "this is the other person." Don't say "he told us to finish up in an angry voice." Instead, make your voice his and say sharply "Dammit, finish up NOW!"
Map Your Outline
Note where you want to create vocal emphasis (opening, and closing lines, key points and potentially dull sections). Circle or underline words you wish to emphasize.
Silence
What is the easiest way to regain an audience's attention?
Stop Speaking
One of the most powerful uses of your voice is to not use it at all. Silence peaks attention and gives you an opportunity to take in information about the audience.
Most presenters have a natural aversion to it. We consciously seek to fill any silence with "ahhhs, uhmms" and inane chatter.
Learn to Control Your Voice >>
