Dialogue in the Headlines

 

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Dialogue has been in the news of late concerning the violent clash between Tibet and China:

The Dalai Lama has recently affirmed, “It is my sincere belief that if the concerned parties were to meet and discuss their future with an open mind and a sincere desire to find a satisfactory and just solution, a breakthrough could be achieved. We must all exert ourselves to be reasonable and wise, and to meet in a spirit of frankness and understanding.”

Britain, along with other Western countries, will use this year’s Beijing Olympics to put measured diplomatic pressure on the Chinese Government. Continued violence in Tibet will add to calls for Western nations to boycott the opening ceremony at the Games, or even the whole event.

Prime Minister Gordon Brown told MPs: “I made it absolutely clear that there had to be an end to violence in Tibet. I also called for restraint, and I called for an end to the violence by dialogue between the different parties.”

Meanwhile, U.S. Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson, the highest-ranking U.S. official to visit Beijing since a deadly March 14 anti-government riot in the Tibetan capital, said he appealed to Chinese leaders to engage their critics. "I expressed our concerns about the violence and urged a peaceful resolution through dialogue." Paulson said.

With less than five months before the opening of the Olympic Games in Beijing, China's sharp criticism of the foreign news media comes precisely when China wants to present a welcoming impression to the outside world. Chinese officials have blasted the foreign media as biased against China, castigated the Dalai Lama as a terrorist "jackal" and called for a "People's War" to fight separatism in Tibet.

"The language they are using about everything has been Cultural Revolution hyperbole," said Susan Shirk, a former assistant secretary of state for East Asian affairs and author of "China: Fragile Superpower." "This does not look like the reaction of a strong, confident leadership."

What can we recognize about dialogue from these headlines? If your trust diminishes along with your patience and good will, you are likely in discussion. Discussion is about being "right", appearing "strong". Dialogue has the potential to convert detractors into supporters and conflict into consensus.

The profound efficacy of dialogue requires much of us:

• Listening more deeply and for longer periods of time.
• Inquiring of others and paraphrasing their ideas when every cell in your body wants to attack, defend or explain.
• Becoming aware of your mind drifting and repeatedly returning it to the topic at hand.
• Examining our thoughts and separating assumptions from facts.

Whenever your conversation tends toward a discussion, where positions harden and frustration flares, turn the conversation around by asking questions.

Instead of making statements about what we believe, begin asking questions about what others believe. This is in accord with a principle articulated by Saint Francis and popularized by Stephen Covey:

“Seek first to understand; and then to be understood.”

When I attack your position and repeat my own, I strengthen your attachment to your position. When I ask you about your position in a spirit of inquiry, however, and empathically paraphrase what you say, you tend to hold your viewpoint more gently. You are more open to other perspectives, increasing the shared potential for influence and understanding.