This blog post from MindTools.com on active listening is extremely pertinent, thoughtful and well written. So much so that I don't have anything to add. I recommend that you read it for yourself:

http://www.mindtools.com/CommSkll/ActiveListening.htm

This last Saturday, June 21, I finished reading "What is the What" by Dave Eggars. It is billed as a novel but is essentially a biography of Valentino Achak Deng, one of the "Lost Boys" of Sudan who fled a civil war in Sudan.

Thousands of boys died during their 1,000- mile walk to Ethiopia, most from starvation and dehydration, some from man-eating lions, and others from attack by the murahaleen; Sudanese government-armed Arab militias. The boys live for a time in relative peace in a refugee camp - Pinyudo.

Then, Valentino and all refugees at Pinyudo are forced to leave Ethiopia when that country's dictator, Mengistu Haile Mariam, is overthrown. They were run out of the country at gunpoint and forced to swim the Gilo River where two thousand lives were claimed by shooting, drowning or crocodiles.

They ended up in a huge refugee camp - Kakuma in Kenya. Eventually, Valentino made it to the United States where he met Dave Eggars, a Bay Area writer who agreed to write his story. Valentino has created a foundation and uses his web site to tell the story of his efforts to rebuild his village (Marial Bai) in Sudan.

The setting: In the vast camp of Kakuma which houses 72,000 refugees from all over Africa, Valentino has achieved a position of leadership. He's been a model student in the camp's schools gaining an education he never would have had in his village in Sudan. He's participated in the camp's drama program and even performed plays in the other-worldly, bustling metropolis of Nairobi. He's gained the lofty status of coordinator for the Youth and Culture Program, a paying job with an office, unheard of for a Sudanese boy without any family.

More on Public Speaking enhances leadership of famous African refugee, Valentino Achak Deng

“Stump the Chump” refers to an audience member who may be disruptive or hostile; often expressed through repeated questioning meant to challenge a speaker’s authority and possibly steal the spotlight.  Here are some tips on dealing with this demanding dynamic:

1) Keep a very warm, friendly "interface". This allows you to maintain control over your state of being and will keep the rest of the audience on your side.

2) Play the role of "helpful facilitator." 
"I am just trying to be as helpful as I can be."

3) Let the person trying to stump you be "the expert". 
"Wow, you really know a lot about this!"

4) Engage them with humor and have fun with them.  
"Maybe you should be up here delivering this presentation."
"Let's check with Bob.  He IS the expert, after all."

5) When the expert starts to take you down into the weeds, get the group to help you out.
"Gee, I'd love to talk more about this.  At the same time, I want to make sure that others in the group get what they need from our time together.  (To the group)  Do we want to dive deeper into this topic right now?"  Then the group can be the bad guy, saying no, while you remain the "helpful facilitator."
"Bob, I want to make sure that you get what you need.  How about you and I can take this offline?"

6) Operate from the assumption that there is no conflict.  My experience has been that conflict will not survive if not given oxygen.  By assuming there is conflict, we tend to get into a debate-based mode of communication and thought.  That tends to exacerbate the situation. 

7) Seek out areas of agreement.  Work with the group to outline key ways in which you all agree.  “What can we all agree on?”  Write down those areas of agreement.  At minimum, you will gain a clearer understanding of where your perspectives diverge.

8 ) Let go of the need to be right.  After all, do you want to be “right” or do you want to get what you want?

More on How to deal with the "Stump the Chump" dynamic in Public Speaking

"We are usually convinced more easily by reasons we have found ourselves than by those which have occurred to others." - Blaise Pascal.

Is strategic questioning part of your sales process? Successful sales people involve the client by asking questions, then listening to the client’s answers. A key aspect in a successful sales person’s process, drawing the client into the process works far better than spouting a packaged sales pitch.

A sales person who does 80% of the talking, immediately touting the memorized features of their product, without involving the client, merely turns into a caricature of the manipulative salesman. A sales person who asks questions forces them to take the talking down to 20%.

Think about a physician – who wouldn’t dare give a diagnosis or health directive without asking questions first. First, to find out what’s wrong, but also to give the patient a sense of control. Asking questions has a positive effect on the patient. And a positive effect on a potential client. Both the doctor and the sales person need to try to pinpoint the most pressing priorities and problems, then find ways to solve and fulfill those needs. 

Start your sales conversations with questions that are easy to ask and easy to answer, then escalate.

1. Ask for Permission

"Can I ask you some questions?" Right up front, let the client feel a sense of control in the buying process. Questions help to focus their thoughts and feelings.

More on Strategic Questioning: Sales Process

The psychedelic 60’s phrase coined by Timothy Leary, “Turn On, Tune In, and Drop Out” is being replaced with Silicon Valley's new mantra “Turn Off, Tune in and Unplug.” 

The latest meeting model encourages us to leave our laptops at our desks and keep our smart phones out of sight. If you can endure the initial anxiety and craving, this progressive trend in business paths the way to connecting with our coworkers, rather than what has become the ubiquitous distraction of our personal devices.  Meeting productivity, focus and teamwork are the goals of disconnecting from our technology for a short time.

Todd Wilkens, who works at a San Francisco design firm Adaptive Path, waged a "personal war against CrackBerry."  

His colleague, Dan Saffer, coined the term "topless" as in laptop-less. Mobile and smart phones must be stowed on a counter or in a box during meetings. "In this age of wireless Internet and mobile e-mail devices, having an effective meeting or working session is becoming more and more difficult," he wrote on his company blog in November. "Laptops, Blackberries, Sidekicks, iPhones and the like keep people from being fully present. Aside from just being rude, partial attention generally leads to partial results."  LA Times Article

"It's increasingly difficult to get people's undivided attention," said Stanford University Professor Pamela Hinds, who studies the effects of technology on groups. "People would argue they are attending to the most important information without any loss of participation, but in fact they aren't fully there." The culprit: Etiquette has not kept up with technology, said Sue Fox, author of "Business Etiquette for Dummies." 

Below, a pharmaceutical cure for Blackberry addiction (comedy):

More on The Topless Meeting

 

Let’s face it: whoever you talk to, it’s going to be a man or a woman. And, since the chances are 50-50 that that other person will be a different gender than you are, you need to know that your way of communication may not be the same. Many experts attest to that difference, but even so, even if men and women have two different ways of communicating, shouldn’t we focus less on the difference and, instead, try to learn each other’s "language?"

Deborah Tannen, author of You Just Don’t Understand: Men and Women in Conversation, uses the terms report and rapport to describe male-female communication. Men report, she says. They work with facts and figures in order to convey or obtain information, to strip away the details and get down to the bare bones of the problem. Women, on the other hand, want others to understand the complexity of the information and the situation, and in that effort toward understanding, work at establishing a rapport and building a relationship.

It benefits no one to emphasize the differences in male-female communication, but it does help to understand that there are those differences. Deborah Tannen says: "Male-female conversation is cross-cultural conversation." That may be true, but in an age when so many cultures in the world are striving to improve communication, shouldn’t we also be working on our daily communication — at home and in the workplace.

Learn More About Communication >>

 

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You may not be a world leader but wouldn’t you like to connect to others in the best possible way — with your clients, your employees, your boss, those in your personal life, even with strangers? And, at least in business, a better connection will reward you with a more competitive edge than the next guy. A better connection with others will also help you maximize the potential in every relationship you have.

Zig Ziglar, popular self-help author, says that "You can get everything in life you want if you will just help enough other people get what they want."

Here are a few ways to connect:

1. Find common bonds (schools, affiliations, past companies, common technology).

2. Show genuine interest in what people have to say.

3. Remember names and personal details.

4. Ask questions that go beyond business.

5. Create memories with people and make each interaction enjoyable.

6. When given a chance to meet or entertain, do it uniquely (an unusual restaurant, etc.)

7. On the phone, ask personal questions (where they live, long-term goals).

8. Send handwritten notes and cards as thank yous.

9. Build connections with everyone at the client site – not just your buyer.

10. Talk about your own life. Share your perspectives. Tell your stories.

Connecting with others takes more work than a handshake. John Donne writes: "No man is an island, entire of itself…." We can’t help it; we humans are social beings who require not isolation but connections with others, and enhancing that need will make for all-around better relationships.

The Henderson Group Article Index >>

It is almost impossible when meeting acquaintances, friends of friends, business associates, to not be forced to give your "elevator speech." If you are not sure what an elevator speech is, it is just a clever name for a mundane task: answering the ubiquitous question "what do you do?" Nonetheless, while mundane, the elevator speech is quite important; who knows what possible role the person you give your speech to will take in your life: perhaps you have found your next client, or employer, friend, partner, or an important contact for further networking?

Here are a few tips to help.

1: Keep it succinct and interesting

A successful elevator speech will be a descriptive statement that provokes questions and interest.

The first obvious reaction to the question of "what do you do?" is to quickly give your label for your profession; however, I think this is a mistake. Instead, frame what you do in a more interesting way: instead of saying you are a lawyer, say that you try to help the disenfranchised and under-represented get a fair-hearing. Explain what you do in terms of benefits and who it is you are helping.

2: Keep your audience in mind

Did you meet this person professionally or in your personal life? While it may be okay to be highly informal at the bar, this off-hand style will probably not be met well at important business meetings. That said, you don't want to be too formal either, since this will make you seem stiff and less personable.

3: Practice and polish

Since you will be asked this question often throughout your life, and the answer is so short, there really is no reason to not have a good answer ready. Practice your speech so that it starts to sound natural and effortless, without any verbal filler or awkward phrasing.

4: Don't be over the top

Finally, some people in an attempt to come across as interesting may overdo it. For example, to make sure that they don't fall into the trap of pigeon-holing themselves, they will give vague answers such as: "I make people's dreams come true." This, however, sounds more cliché than it does interesting and will often turn your audience off.

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Some of the seeds we offer will bear fruit immediately, others will germinate for a time and pop up to surprise you in communications to come.

Do not become discouraged if at first your mind is numbed by the number of things we are encouraging you to be aware of and to try.