June 26, 2008
A great blog post on Active Listening
This blog post from MindTools.com on active listening is extremely pertinent, thoughtful and well written. So much so that I don't have anything to add. I recommend that you read it for yourself:
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This last Saturday, June 21, I finished reading "What is the What" by Dave Eggars. It is billed as a novel but is essentially a biography of Valentino Achak Deng, one of the "Lost Boys" of Sudan who fled a civil war in Sudan.
Thousands of boys died during their 1,000- mile walk to Ethiopia, most from starvation and dehydration, some from man-eating lions, and others from attack by the murahaleen; Sudanese government-armed Arab militias. The boys live for a time in relative peace in a refugee camp - Pinyudo.
Then, Valentino and all refugees at Pinyudo are forced to leave Ethiopia when that country's dictator, Mengistu Haile Mariam, is overthrown. They were run out of the country at gunpoint and forced to swim the Gilo River where two thousand lives were claimed by shooting, drowning or crocodiles.
They ended up in a huge refugee camp - Kakuma in Kenya. Eventually, Valentino made it to the United States where he met Dave Eggars, a Bay Area writer who agreed to write his story. Valentino has created a foundation and uses his web site to tell the story of his efforts to rebuild his village (Marial Bai) in Sudan.
The setting: In the vast camp of Kakuma which houses 72,000 refugees from all over Africa, Valentino has achieved a position of leadership. He's been a model student in the camp's schools gaining an education he never would have had in his village in Sudan. He's participated in the camp's drama program and even performed plays in the other-worldly, bustling metropolis of Nairobi. He's gained the lofty status of coordinator for the Youth and Culture Program, a paying job with an office, unheard of for a Sudanese boy without any family.
More on Public Speaking enhances leadership of famous African refugee, Valentino Achak Deng
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“Stump the Chump” refers to an audience member who may be disruptive or hostile; often expressed through repeated questioning meant to challenge a speaker’s authority and possibly steal the spotlight. Here are some tips on dealing with this demanding dynamic:
1) Keep a very warm, friendly "interface". This allows you to maintain control over your state of being and will keep the rest of the audience on your side.
2) Play the role of "helpful facilitator."
"I am just trying to be as helpful as I can be."
3) Let the person trying to stump you be "the expert".
"Wow, you really know a lot about this!"
4) Engage them with humor and have fun with them.
"Maybe you should be up here delivering this presentation."
"Let's check with Bob. He IS the expert, after all."
5) When the expert starts to take you down into the weeds, get the group to help you out.
"Gee, I'd love to talk more about this. At the same time, I want to make sure that others in the group get what they need from our time together. (To the group) Do we want to dive deeper into this topic right now?" Then the group can be the bad guy, saying no, while you remain the "helpful facilitator."
"Bob, I want to make sure that you get what you need. How about you and I can take this offline?"
6) Operate from the assumption that there is no conflict. My experience has been that conflict will not survive if not given oxygen. By assuming there is conflict, we tend to get into a debate-based mode of communication and thought. That tends to exacerbate the situation.
7) Seek out areas of agreement. Work with the group to outline key ways in which you all agree. “What can we all agree on?” Write down those areas of agreement. At minimum, you will gain a clearer understanding of where your perspectives diverge.
8 ) Let go of the need to be right. After all, do you want to be “right” or do you want to get what you want?
More on How to deal with the "Stump the Chump" dynamic in Public Speaking
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May 21, 2008
The Topless Meeting
The psychedelic 60’s phrase coined by Timothy Leary, “Turn On, Tune In, and Drop Out” is being replaced with Silicon Valley's new mantra “Turn Off, Tune in and Unplug.”
The latest meeting model encourages us to leave our laptops at our desks and keep our smart phones out of sight. If you can endure the initial anxiety and craving, this progressive trend in business paths the way to connecting with our coworkers, rather than what has become the ubiquitous distraction of our personal devices. Meeting productivity, focus and teamwork are the goals of disconnecting from our technology for a short time.
Todd Wilkens, who works at a San Francisco design firm Adaptive Path, waged a "personal war against CrackBerry."
His colleague, Dan Saffer, coined the term "topless" as in laptop-less. Mobile and smart phones must be stowed on a counter or in a box during meetings. "In this age of wireless Internet and mobile e-mail devices, having an effective meeting or working session is becoming more and more difficult," he wrote on his company blog in November. "Laptops, Blackberries, Sidekicks, iPhones and the like keep people from being fully present. Aside from just being rude, partial attention generally leads to partial results." LA Times Article
"It's increasingly difficult to get people's undivided attention," said Stanford University Professor Pamela Hinds, who studies the effects of technology on groups. "People would argue they are attending to the most important information without any loss of participation, but in fact they aren't fully there." The culprit: Etiquette has not kept up with technology, said Sue Fox, author of "Business Etiquette for Dummies."
Below, a pharmaceutical cure for Blackberry addiction (comedy):
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May 16, 2008
Male-Female Communication
Let’s face it: whoever you talk to, it’s going to be a man or a woman. And, since the chances are 50-50 that that other person will be a different gender than you are, you need to know that your way of communication may not be the same. Many experts attest to that difference, but even so, even if men and women have two different ways of communicating, shouldn’t we focus less on the difference and, instead, try to learn each other’s "language?"
Deborah Tannen, author of You Just Don’t Understand: Men and Women in Conversation, uses the terms report and rapport to describe male-female communication. Men report, she says. They work with facts and figures in order to convey or obtain information, to strip away the details and get down to the bare bones of the problem. Women, on the other hand, want others to understand the complexity of the information and the situation, and in that effort toward understanding, work at establishing a rapport and building a relationship.
It benefits no one to emphasize the differences in male-female communication, but it does help to understand that there are those differences. Deborah Tannen says: "Male-female conversation is cross-cultural conversation." That may be true, but in an age when so many cultures in the world are striving to improve communication, shouldn’t we also be working on our daily communication — at home and in the workplace.
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May 12, 2008
Top 10 Selling Mistakes
If you Google "selling mistakes," most sites that come up list "mistakes in selling houses." To be expected these days, with foreclosures happening faster than a "For Sale" sign can be stuck in the front lawn. But sales are sales and mistakes are mistakes, so here’s a list of a few things not to do, no matter what type of sale you’re trying to make.
1. Be unprepared. Whether you’re selling a house or a widget, you need to know every detail about it and be prepared to answer any question the client may throw at you.
2. Poor questioning. Without strategic questioning, you won’t know what the client needs. Ask the questions that lead you to the best solution for the client.
3. Selling too soon. Don’t jump to the sale without establishing a relationship with your customer first.
4. Losing control. The questioner (the sales person) is in charge of the call. Get the "questionee" (the client) to talk and not ask questions, and you will remain in control.
5. No support. Learn how to sell. Continue your training throughout your career.
6. Not asking for referrals. Remember to ask, particularly satisfied clients, for referrals, and then follow up on them. Be sure to give them as well.
7. Talking too much. Know when to stop talking and to listen instead; it’s how you find out what the client needs. Don’t oversell.
8. Giving up. Don’t give up after a single rejection. A "no" or "not right now" is not a personal rejection. Be persistent.
9. Not asking for the business. If you don’t close the sale, someone else might.
10. Not making enough sales calls. Sometimes it’s just in the numbers. So make the calls, learn from hearing "no" and avoid making the other mistakes listed here.
Like children, we all learn from our mistakes, and as John Wooden, Hall of Fame basketball coach and player, has said, "If you’re not making mistakes, then you’re not doing anything. I’m positive that a doer makes mistakes."
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May 5, 2008
The First Sales Call
The first call is the hardest, especially if it’s a cold call. But cold or warm, remember the potential client’s time is valuable so be brief and be sure you’ve done your research.
1. Listen to the client. Don’t start with how thrilled they’ll be with your product or service.
2. Confirm what you heard by paraphrasing the client’s words. Make sure you understand what they’ve said before you try to move on.
3. Ask strategic questions. Find out what they want and how you can help them.
4. Summarize what you heard them say – their answers and ideas. Summarize either on the phone or with an email following the call. Use their words specifically. It sounds simple, but it works.
5. Suggest options: 1) Solutions to their business challenges; 2) Enhancements through opportunities for improvement in their company. Options you can help them with via your product or service.
6. Ask the client what they see as a logical next step. Ask and listen. Don’t push them into what you think they need and what you can offer them.
7. Find out when you can meet with them. Suggest a specific time: "How about next Tuesday after lunch?" Don’t be pushy, though; you can always call back. It’s better to be realistic and rely on the client’s statements or goals.
8. Don’t give up. Persistence pays off.
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April 28, 2008
Advocacy and Inquiry: Key Components of Dialogue
What is the simplest way to move a conversation toward dialogue? Ask a Question!
Instead of making statements about what we believe, begin asking questions about what others believe. As a conversation moves forward, continue to ask questions that relate directly and obviously to what the other person has been saying.
Dialogue: Its Component Parts
How do you balance advocacy and inquiry?
- Step back.
- Target your inquiry by asking questions to clarify what the other person believes.
- Examine the other person’s mental maps.
- Suspend your own assumptions.
- Learn before you try to influence.
- Advocate your opinions through carefully chosen questions and statements.
The Rewards
- Building rapport
- Building business relationships
- Extending your influence
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April 23, 2008
Active Listening and the Meandering Mind
Most of us tend to want to talk more than we listen. It’s no secret that this tendency is counterproductive to building relationships, gathering information and learning.
To be mentally present requires more than just silence when another speaks. You must clear your mind of extraneous “chatter” and focus intensely on what the speaker is saying. Intense relaxed attention focused on another literally pulls them to a higher level of participation.
How do you gain control of your meandering mind? More >>
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April 21, 2008
How to Shed Verbal Filler
Verbal fillers make a speaker seem less articulate and less sure of themselves and their message. Here are techniques that can help to shed the use of verbal fillers (uh, um, so, like, you know, basically, etc.)
1. Video tape or record yourself delivering a presentation or in a conversation. Watch your videotape or listen to the recording once just counting your verbal fillers. It may be painful and embarrassing but can fuel your determination to shed the fillers.
2. Enlist the help of others - your partner / spouse, friends, coworkers, family, etc. Empower them to repeat your fillers whenever they hear you using it.
3. Listen for your use of verbal filler at ALL times, whether presenting, in conversation, on the phone, in social situations, etc.
4. Don't beat yourself up about it. Just make a mental note and remind yourself that you want to … More On Verbal Filler >>
If you're enjoying our blog, consider applying for a workshop >> Our work has to be experienced to truly understand its value. Once a quarter The Henderson Group holds a "By Invitation Only" Art of Presentation workshop in San Francisco, led by our VP of Services, Terry Gault. With that in mind, we set aside a couple of free seats for the right candidates.
Below, Slam Poet, Taylor Mali, performs his speech 'Totally Like Whatever'
