How to Start a Conversation: Communication Skills

A lot of people flounder at starting conversations with strangers.  They don’t know where to start or what to say – god knows they don’t want to offend someone. 

Here are a few simple rules to keep in mind.

1: Instead of throwing out your hand and diving straight into your life story, a better way to start a conversation with someone is to ask simple but pertinent questions ; getting the person you are talking with to talk about their work, family or their hobbies is a safe and reliable way to make a personal connection.

Further, simple questions are especially good since compound questions confuse the other party and they’ll generally only answer one piece of your multi-part question.

With these questions, a thing to keep in mind is that you want to keep your questions broad without narrowing their options. For example, narrowing their options in a business setting might sound like, “What are you struggling with? Is it time to market? Is it low productivity? Is it loss of market share?” It tends to skew the results and you are less likely to get an accurate or comprehensive response. Once asked, shut-up and make sure you really listen to what the other person is saying.

2: When asking these questions, it is important to remember that physical cues are just as important as your questions. If you are stone-faced, this is not going to be remembered well by who you are interacting with. Be animated! Smile and nod your head slightly to show you have heard them when they are finished. Maintain eye contact with them when they are speaking to you.

3: Along these lines comes a powerful technique called smiling while probing. I find that much of the time, people will only provide surface details unless I probe with follow up questions. This works in social situations when you do it with warmth and genuine curiosity. Smile, tease, coax them, charm and cajole. You can get away with murder … as long as you smile and project good humor and empathy.  

4: Don’t be afraid of silences . One thing I notice that usually makes a bad first impression is when people nervously chatter since they are afraid of taking a pause. In fact, there is no need to apologize for being silent. If the silence starts to get awkward, saying something like “I am thinking” or “Please give me a moment to think” to communicate the reason you are being silent usually fixes the problem

5: If you seem interested in them, they will become interested in you. Once they ask you questions, feel free to answer them directly, tell short stories, or now give your elevator speech.

 6: Finally, if you are still having trouble, having a handful of interesting questions to ask can ALWAYS jump start a conversation. You can find more of these at tabletopics.com.

Here is a sample:

• If you could give all human beings one virtue which would you choose?
• What event in the past, present or future would you like to witness in person?
• What one goal do you hope to accomplish this year?
• Would you prefer money for a housekeeper, cook, gardener or personal secretary?
• Which celebrity do people say you resemble?
• If you could have front row seats to any concert who would you like to see?
• What makes you laugh the hardest?
• What one fear would you like to conquer?
• What’s the hardest thing you’ve ever done?
• Would you rather be a great musician, artist or athlete?

With these tips in mind, hopefully breaking the ice should become much more natural and maybe even fun.

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