March 29, 2008

Tips for Effective Dialogue; Dialogue vs. Discussion

“True resolution of problems and conflicts can only come through a respect for the mutual interest of the parties involved and through dialogue.” -Dalai Lama

Interactive communication or dialogue refers to interacting in ways that build shared meaning, rather than colliding in ways that foster disagreement, frustration and confusion.

A jazz improvisation is a good metaphor for dialogue. Each musician must build on what the others are already doing. The jazz musician can't just begin playing his favorite riff. He must listen to what others are playing, and then build on it. The result is something unique – no one person controls the musical direction. They improvise and initiate, but always in relationship to what others are doing.

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Dialogue Contrasted With Discussion Discussion has the same roots as "concussion" and "percussion." The Latin origin of discuss is "discutere" – to dash or shake apart. Hence, to discuss is to shake apart what others say. In a discussion we break things down, fragment the whole, analyze the pieces, and seek to convince others of our insights. You recognize discussion by its competitive nature. If you are only listening in order to prepare your own counter-arguments, you are involved in a discussion. What Does Dialogue Look Like?

The business issue develops keen intellectual interest.
The conversation is suffused with laughter.
Everyone is involved, and people are listening deeply.
The conversation becomes animated.
You become eager to add to what someone else has said; but you are listening more than talking.
You sense an almost palpable excitement.
The multiple perspectives create a sense of aliveness and possibility.
Different viewpoints interest you instead of annoy you.